i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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