Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
