YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
