mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We left the knife in your bed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
