i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
