I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize