Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
