I am in a vortex of obligation.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
