i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I deserve this hangover.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
