it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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