Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
