Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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