Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize