This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
