Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize