I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
