Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
