I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize