If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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