omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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