what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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