Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
