I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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