If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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