He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
