We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
