New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize