I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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