Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
