Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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