just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
