Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
