Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
