Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
