I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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