need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize