why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
