i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize