Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i came on her dog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
