Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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