she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
