The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
