I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize