Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
