This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
