I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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