We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
