just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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