he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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