I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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