He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
