How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
