Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
