hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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