I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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