dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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