so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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