to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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