You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
