and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
