Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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