Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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