he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
