I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize