Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
