cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
